Inspiration Porn – Harry Potter Style!

Allow me to interrupt the regularly scheduled broadcast for a moment to bring you an allegorical satire of inspiration porn.  Some of you may not know what that is: it is when non-disabled people write an article about how inspiring a disabled person is.

Tonight, my giraffe shared an awesome story with me, a story that takes place in a Harry Potter universe where Harry Potter was not a wizard, but a squib (Some of you may be wondering what a squib is, if so THEN READ THE DAMN BOOKS!  But honestly, they are people born to at least one magical parent who don’t have magic in them…in other words, they can’t cast spells).

So, now, I am going to write an inspiration porn piece as if it were written for the Daily Prophet about squibs.


Squib’s the New Black

In muggle society, there has long been strife between the different types: Cubs, Bears, Princesses, to name just a few.  But one thing has remained, they don’t get along.  But every 238.2 years, they shed their strifes and come together in harmony.  At least, that’s what wizipedia tells me about them, this author doesn’t know any personally, but if it’s on the wizinet, then it has to be true.

The wizarding community has never had such strifes.  In fact, we have always accepted everyone just as they are.  Whether they have a unicorn in their wand or a phoenix feather, it doesn’t matter.

But one young girl enby,* Love Lovegood, has overcome the odds of their dysmagica.  Lovegood suffers from squibism, a magic disorder that hinders them from being able to use magic.  For years, Squibism Enchants has been advocating for many years to the Ministry of Magic for more funding so we can cure this terrible disease once and for all.

While it is recognized that there are rumors that some of the members on the board were or are death eaters, this has not been proven in any capacity.  But back to Lovegood, they recently were chosen as a backup player on their local Quidditch team.

Rickard Rollins, the team captain, said “She was just such a kind person, such a gentle soul, that I just had to let her on the team.”  When asked of her Quidditch abilities, Rollins replied, “She’s a good person, that’s her ability, in fact, just the other day, one of our beaters was hit in the head with a bludger, broke his nose.  Blood was gushing everywhere and she ran up and put tape on his nose, it was so cute.  Once she left, I used my wand to fix and set his nose right, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, she was trying so hard.”

In their final game of the season, Rollins had a surprise for Lovegood.  He put them in the position this author thinks they were made for, a seeker.  Their team was having their proverbial buttoxes handed to them, it was 300 to 160.  Lovegood was zooming to and fro doing their best to find the snitch.

Everyone was in on this surprise because, soon, the seeker of the other team whizzed past Lovegood on his Atomicbolt 2100, and they took off after him.  Just as they were both about to grab the snitch, he stopped his broomstick allowing Lovegood to grab the snitch and win the game 310 – 300.  Everyone on both teams started cheering because they were all in on the surprise.

Ronald Reddins, Quidditch officer representing the World Cup, happened to attend the game.  After the game, he approached each of the members of both teams who had been in on it and provided them with tickets to the next year’s Quidditch World Cup.  He told them, “What you did for that young person with squibism was a truly honorable thing.  I would like to present you with tickets to next year’s Quidditch World Cup.  Thank you for what you have done for her.”

At the Daily Prophet, we hope that they enjoy their well-earned reward and would like to give each of them a free subscription to the Daily Prophet’s new paper: The Daily Quidditch.

 

*Updated as of two minutes after this article was published, to reflect as an enby, or non-binary person, who uses they pronouns.

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